This is a Joke of a thread

This new iPhone 5 will be on sale soon. I've checked with Apple. They're not
sure exactly what date it will be released. I've put my name on the list for
when they do.

The sales rep said there is a two year waiting list and I was number
2,794,587,692!


This is why:

ourlighterside.com/stuff/new-x-phone/ATT000441.gif

I was in a bar on Saturday night.......had a few drinks......
I noticed two very large women by the bar.

They both had strong accents so I asked,
"Hey, are you two ladies from Scotland?"

One of them screamed, "It's WALES, you IDIOT!"

So,feeling like a bit of an idiot i asked,
"Sorry, are you two whales from Scotland?"


That's all I remember.....

Ive just come out of the shop with a meat and potato pie,large chips,mushy peas and
a jumbo sausage. A poor homeless man sat there and said ' Ive not eaten for 2 days '
I told him ' I wish i had your will-power'

I was in bed with a blind girl last night and she said that I had the biggest p*nis she had ever laid her hands on.

I said "You're pulling my leg"

After a long career of being blasted into a net,the human cannonball was tired and worn out.
He told the circus owner he was going to retire. ''But you can't '' protested the boss.
''Where am i going to find another man of your calibre''

The trainer was giving last minute instructions to the jockey and appeared to slip something in the horses
mouth just as a steward walked by. ''What was that?'' inquired the steward. ''Oh nothing'' said the trainer, ''Just a polo mint''.
He offered one to the steward and had one himself. After the steward left the scene the trainer continued with his
instructions. '' Just keep on the rail,you are a certainty.The only possible thing that could pass you in
the home straight is either the steward or me.''

....A little girl asks her mum, 'Mum, can I take the dog for a walk around the block?'
Her mum replies 'No, because she is on heat.'
'What does that mean?' asked the child.
'Go and ask your father. I think he's in the garage.'
The little girl goes out to the garage and says, 'Dad, can I take Lulu for a walk around the block? I asked Mum, but she said the dog was on the heat, and to come ask you.' ...
He took a rag, soaked it in petrol, and scrubbed the dog's backside with it to disguise the scent, and said 'Ok, you can go now, but keep Lulu on the leash and only go one time around the block.'
The little girl left and returned a few minutes later with no dog on the leash..
Surprised, Dad asked, 'Where's Lulu?'

The little girl said, 'She ran out of petrol about halfway round the block, so another dog is pushing her home.'

Mario and BMW fan

Attached files

Bottle of Merlot
A man asked a waiter to take a bottle of Merlot to an
unusually attractive woman sitting alone at a table in a
cozy little restaurant.
So the waiter took the Merlot to the woman and said,
'This is from the gentleman who is seated over there.' ....
And indicated the sender with a nod of his head.
She stared at the wine coolly for a few seconds, not
looking at the man, then decided to send a reply to him
by a note.
The waiter, who was lingering nearby for a response,
took the note from her and conveyed it to the
gentleman.
The note read: 'For me to accept this bottle, you
need to have a Mercedes in your garage, a million
dollars in the bank and '7' inches in your pants'.

After reading the note, the man decided to compose
one of his own in return.
He folded the note, handed it to the waiter and
instructed him to deliver it to the lady.

It read: 'Just to let you know things aren't always
what they appear to be, I have a Ferrari Maranello,
BMW Z8, Mercedes CL600, and a Porsche Turbo in
my several garages; I have beautiful homes in
Aspen and Miami, and a 10,000 acre ranch in
Louisiana .
There is over twenty million dollars in my bank
account and portfolio. But, not even for a woman
as beautiful as you, would I cut off three inches.
Just send the wine back.

Police dog

Attached files Police dog.docx (287.5 KB)Â