This is a Joke of a thread

nokia Wrote:

---

> Woman takes a lover home during the day while her
> husband is at work.
>
> Her 9 year old son comes home unexpectedly, sees
> them, and hides in the
> bedroom cupboard to watch.
>
> Just after getting into bed the woman's husband
> also comes home
> unexpectedly, she tells her lover to hide in the
> cupboard, not realising
> that the little boy is in there.
>
> After a little while the little boy says, 'Dark in
> here.
>
>
>
> The man, who obviously got a real fright not
> expecting to hear anything, let
> alone from a little boy says, 'Yes, it is.'
>
>
>
> Boy - 'I have a football.'
>
>
>
> Man - 'That's nice.'
>
>
>
> Boy - 'Want to buy it?'
>
>
>
> Man - 'No, thanks.'
>
>
>
> Boy - 'My dad's outside.'
>
>
>
> Man - 'OK, how much?'
>
>
>
> Boy - '$ 250'
>
>
>
> In the next few weeks, it happens again that the
> boy and the lover are in
> the cupboard together.
>
>
>
> Boy - 'Dark in here.'
>
>
>
> Man - 'Yes, it is.'
>
>
>
> Boy - 'I have football boots.'
>
>
>
> The lover, remembering the last time, asks the
> boy, 'OK How much this time?'
>
>
>
> Boy - '$ 750'
>
>
>
> Man - 'Sold.'
>
>
>
> A few days later, the boys' father says to the
> boy, 'Grab your boots and
> football, let's go outside and have a game of
> soccer.
>
>
>
> The boy says, 'I can't, I sold my ball and boots.'
> The father asks, 'How
> much did you sell them for and to who?'
>
>
>
> The boy says, 'To a friend of mine for a $
> 1,000..'
>
>
>
> The father says, 'That's a terrible thing to do,
> overcharging your friend
> like that'.
>
> 'That's four times what they cost when they were
> new, I'm going to take you
> to church and make you confess your terrible
> sins.'
>
>
>
> They go to the church and the father makes the
> little boy sit in the
> confession booth and he closes the door.
>
>
>
> The boy says, 'Dark in here'..
>
>
>
> The priest says, 'Don't start that shit again you
> little prick, you're in my
> cupboard now'!!


LOL Very good Nokia, I am surprised the Priest wasn't interessed in the little boy.

Shrek, that chirp's even better than the joke!!!

I recently entered a blindfolded masturbating competition but have no idea where I came.

shrek Wrote:

---

> I recently entered a blindfolded masturbating
> competition but have no idea where I came.


hehehe.....shot in the dark?......

A South African, a Scotsman, an Irishman and a Brit were sitting in a pub........everyone else was still in NZ..

BREAKING NEWS!! Irish farmer has successfully grown a field full of dildos......



now he has problems with squatters!!!!!

Hope you guys don't mind this Afrikaans one?

Ou Koos en Jan van Brakpan is besig met die eindeksamen - Engelse vraestel. Na die tyd vra Koos vir Jan: Hoe lyk jou leeu wat jy geteken het? Leeu vra Jan ?? "Ja" sê Koos: Onder aan die vraestel het gestaan: "draw a line".

A man escapes from prison where he has been for 15 years. He breaks into a house to look for money and guns and finds a young couple in bed. He orders the guy out of bed and ties him to a chair, while tying the girl to the bed he gets on top of her, kisses her neck, then gets up and goes into the bathroom. While he's in there, the husband tells his wife: "Listen, this guy's an escaped convict, look at his clothes! He probably spent lots of time in jail and hasn't seen a woman in years. I saw how he kissed your neck." If he wants sex, don't resist, don't complain, do whatever he tells you. Satisfy him no matter how much he nauseates you. This guy is probably very dangerous. If he gets angry, he'll kill us. Be strong, honey. I love
you."

To which his wife responds: "He wasn't kissing my neck. He was whispering in my ear. He told me he was gay, thought you were cute, and asked me if we had any vaseline. I told him it was in the bathroom. Be strong honey. I love you too!!

With halloween coming up i went to a fancy dress shop to buy a dracula costume.The girl offered me a Manchester United shirt....i said to her 'sorry love i think you misheard,i said i want to look like a count'

davetheflower Wrote:

---

> With halloween coming up i went to a fancy dress
> shop to buy a dracula costume.The girl offered me
> a Manchester United shirt....i said to her 'sorry
> love i think you misheard,i said i want to look
> like a count'


Dave IALMFAO, brilliant.

The priest is showing his nephew how to masturbate.His nephew says" This is great" The priest replies "Wait until your 13,you,ll be able to use your own cock"

I was devastated to find out my wife was having an affair, but by turning to religion I was soon able to come to terms with the whole thing. I converted to Islam, and we're stoning her in the morning! 

The wife suggested I get myself one of those dick enlargers, so I did.... she's 21 and her name's Lucy. 

Went to the pub with my girlfriend last night. Locals were shouting pedo and other names at me just because my girlfriend is 21 and I'm 50. It completely spoilt our 10th anniversary. 

Following the tragic death of the Human Cannonball at the Kent Show, a spokesman said "We'll struggle to get another man of the same calibre." 

My son was thrown out of school today for letting a girl in his class give him a hand-job. I said "Son, that's 3 schools this year. You want to stop before you're banned from teaching altogether." 

Just been to the gym. They've got a new machine in. Only used it for half an hour as I started to feel sick. It's great though. It does everything - KitKats, Mars Bars, Snickers, Crisps, the lot.." 

Question - Are there too many immigrants in Britain? 17% said yes; 11% said No; 72% said "I am not understanding the question please." 

I thought the wife would be the ideal candidate for a new TV show. Turns out I got it all wrong and the program's called Fact Hunt. 

The cost of living has now got so bad that my wife is having sex with me because she can't afford batteries! 

Some bastard's just pinched a pair of my wife's knickers off the washing line. She's not bothered about the knickers but she wants the 12 pegs back.