This is a Joke of a thread

Countrymember Wrote:

---

> i laughed when you said that the Scotsman bought
> the bar a round of drinks. Thats never ever
> happened and is likely that it will ever happen
>
>
> Obviously you never paid attention during
> English lessons ...........................<


I may not be as clever as you and au fe with the English language but I am trying my utmost and one day I will eventually get in right

scotia Wrote:

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> You are becoming a real pain in the arse and the
> last person I will be buying a drink for or
> meeting in Scotland


as if i ever have had the desire to waste any of my time having a drink with you

<

chicken 'n chips Wrote:

---

> Countrymember Wrote:
>

---

>

---

> > i laughed when you said that the Scotsman
> bought
> > the bar a round of drinks. Thats never ever
> > happened and is likely that it will ever happen
> >
> >
> > Obviously you never paid attention during
> > English lessons ...........................<
>
>
> I may not be as clever as you and au fe with the
> English language but I am trying my utmost and
> one day I will eventually get in right


Just not today, what?

How was the Grand Canyon formed?

A Scotsman lost a tenner down a rabbit hole

An Englishman, a Scotsman, an Irishman, a Latvian, a Turk, an Aussie, a Yank, an Egyptian, a Jap, a Mexican, a Spaniard, a Greek, a Russian, an Estonian, a German, an Italian, a Pole, a Lithuanian, a Swede, a Finn, an Israeli, a Romanian, a Bulgarian, a Serb, a Czech, and a Swiss man walk into a pub.

The landlord says, "I can't let you in without a Thai."

A Scotsman phones a dentist to enquire about the cost for a tooth extraction

"85 pounds for an extraction, sir" the dentist replied.

"85 quid! Huv ye no'got anythin' cheaper?"

"That's the normal charge," said the dentist.

"Whit aboot if ye didnae use any anaesthetic?"

"That's unusual, sir, but I could do it and would knock 15 pounds off."

"Whit aboot if ye used one of your dentist trainees and still without any anaesthetic?"

"I can't guarantee their professionalism and it'll be painful. But the price could drop by 20 pounds."

"How aboot if ye make it a trainin' session, ave yer student do the extraction with the other students watchin' and learnin'?"

"It'll be good for the students", mulled the dentist. "I'll charge you 5 pounds but it will be traumatic."

"Och, now yer talkin' laddie! It's a deal," said the Scotsman. "Can ye confirm an appointment for the wife next Tuesday then?"

An Englishman, an Irishman, and a Scotsman walk into a pub and each buy a pint of Guinness. Just as they were about to enjoy their creamy beverage a fly landed in each of their pints and became stuck in the thick head.

The Englishman pushed his beer away from him in disgust.

The Irishman fished the offending fly out of his beer and continued drinking it as if nothing had happened.

The Scotsman too, picked the fly out of his drink, held it out over the beer and then started yelling: "SPIT IT OUT, SPIT IT OUT YOU BASTARD!!!"

A blonde travelling to the Free State sees a sign board Bloemfontein Left

She says to herself "oh no I've come all this way for nothing

Vrou wil selfmoord pleeg en van die brug af spring. 'n Boemelaar sien dit en stap nader en vra haar of hy haar nie kan Spyker voor sy spring nie, sy sê toe vir hom; "Fokof man"!!! "Ok" sê die boemelaar, "ek sal maar dan vir jou onder wag...

Out of the shop with a roast beef sandwich, large chips, ear of corn & a jumbo sausage. A poor homeless man sat there and said 'I haven't eaten for two days.'
I told him, 'I wish I had your will power.'

A fat girl served me in McDonald's at lunchtime.
She said 'sorry about the wait'.
I said, 'Don't worry, you'll find a way to lose it eventually'.

I walked past a black kid sitting at a bus stop as I went into the bank.
When I came out, he looked at me and said 'Any Change?'
I said, 'Nope, you're still black'.

Snow in the forecast and the TV weather gal said she was expecting 8 inches tonight.
I thought to myself, 'fat chance', with a face like that!

A 10-year old Irish boy stands crying at the side of the road.
A man passing by asks 'What's wrong, lad?'
The boy says 'Me ma died this morning.'
'Oh bejaysus,' The man says. 'Do you want me to call Father O'Riley for you?'
The boy replies, 'No thanks mister, sex is the last thing on my mind at the moment.'

Years ago it was suggested that an apple a day kept the doctor away. But since all the doctors are now Muslim, I've found that a bacon sandwich works best!

Japanese scientists have now created a camera with such a fantastic shutter speed that it is now possible to take a photograph of a woman with her mouth closed.

I hate all this terrorist business. I used to love the days when you could look at an unattended bag on a train or bus and think to yourself. I'm going to take that.'

I had a big lead in a trivia competition at a local bar until the last question which I got wrong.
The question was where do women have the curliest hair?
Fiji was the correct answer...hell, how did I know they wanted the name of a country?

I took my Biology exam last Friday.
I was asked to name two things commonly found in cells.
Apparently "Blacks" and "Mexicans" were NOT the correct answers.


I've learned that pleasing everyone is impossible, but pissing everyone off is a piece of cake........................

An Arab Sheik was admitted to Hospital for heart surgery, but prior to the surgery, the doctors needed to have some of his blood type stored in case the need arose.. As the gentleman had a rare type of blood, it couldn't be found locally, so, the call went out. Finally a Scotsman was located who had the same rare blood type. The Scot willingly donated his blood for the Arab. After the surgery, the Arab sent the Scotsman, as appreciation for giving his blood, a new BMW, diamonds & $100,000 US dollars. A couple of days later, once again, the Arab had to go through a corrective surgery procedure. His doctor telephoned the Scotsman who was more than happy to donate his blood again. After the second surgery, the Arab sent the Scotsman a thank-you card and a box of Quality Street chocolates. The Scotsman was shocked that the Arab did not reciprocate his kind gesture as he had anticipated. He phoned the Arab and asked him: "I thought you would be generous again, that you would give me a BMW, diamonds & money, but you only gave me a thank-you card and a box of Quality Street ." To this the Arab replied: "Aye laddie, but I now have Scottish blood in ma veins".