Smile it's Monday

LEXOPHILIA - WHO ON EARTH DREAMS THESE UP?     A lexophile of course!
 
•    Venison for dinner again?   Oh deer!
 
•    How does Moses make tea?   Hebrews it.
 
•    England has no kidney bank, but it does have a Liverpool .
 
•    I tried to catch some fog, but I mist.
 
•    They told me I had type-A blood, but it was a Typo.
 
•    I changed my iPod's name to Titanic.  It's syncing now.
 
•    Jokes about German sausage are the wurst.
 
•    I know a guy who's addicted to brake fluid, but he says he can
     stop any time.
 
•    I stayed up all night to see where the sun went, and then it dawned on me.
 
•    This girl said she recognized me from the vegetarian club, but
     I'd never met herbivore.
 
•    When chemists die, they barium.
 
•    I'm reading a book about anti-gravity.   I just can't put it down.
 
•    I did a theatrical performance about puns.   It was a play on words.
 
•    Why were the Indians here first?  They had reservations.
 
•    I didn't like my beard at first.  Then it grew on me.
 
•    Did you hear about the cross-eyed teacher who lost her job
     because she couldn't control her pupils?
 
•    When you get a bladder infection, urine trouble.
 
•    Broken pencils are pointless.
 
•    What do you call a dinosaur with an extensive vocabulary?  A thesaurus.
 
•    I dropped out of communism class because of lousy Marx.
 
•    I got a job at a bakery because I kneaded dough.
 
•    Velcro - what a rip off!
 
•    Don’t worry about old age; it doesn’t last.
 

I didn't like my beard at 1st , but I got lazier