Be honest my South African friends...Do you get these Scottish jokes?

SCOTS are renowned for our sense of humour.

But for those you guys it must be hard to understand jokes which include the Scots .()


1. A Glasgow woman goes to the dentist and settles down in the chair.

"Comfy?" asks the dentist.

"Govan," she replies.

2. How many Spanish guys does it take to change a light bulb?

Just Juan.

3.Did you hear about the lonely prisoner?

He was in his cell.

4. After announcing he was getting married, a boy tells his pal he will be wearing the kilt.

"And what's the tartan?" asks his mate.

"Oh, she'll be wearing a white dress," he replies.

5. Ten cows in a field. Which one is closest to Iraq?

Coo eight.

6. A teenage girl phones her dad at midnight and says: "Can you come and get me? I've missed the last bus and it's pouring with rain."

"Okay," says her dad. "Where are you ringing from?"

The girl replies: "From the top of my head right down to my knickers".

7. What did the Siamese twins from Glasgow call their autobiography?

Oor Wullie.

8. A man takes a pair of shoes back to the shop and complains that there is a lace missing.

"No", argues the assistant, "look at that - it says Taiwan".



Dae ye ken oor Scottish wurds?

Not a clue

I managed to figure out a few.

not one
explain pls

Bob,you forget to mention,that Scots are also renowned for being tight fisted and they drink a lot..


This Scottish bloke goes on a skiing holiday to Canada.

After a hard day on the slopes he retires to a bar at the bottom of the mountain.

After about five or six whiskeys, he looks up and notices a stuffed animal with antlers on the wall.

He asks the barman, "What the fuck is that?"

The barman says, "It's a Moose."

The Scottish chap says, "Fuck me! How big are the cats?

After last night's game between England and Scotland, 10,000 beer cans were left in Trafalgar Square by Scottish football fans.

Both of them have been arrested.

Hibs - let me try

1. Comfy = "where ye come fae (from)?"

2. Just "one" (juan)

3. In his cell - on his own or with his self

4. Tartan - as in what's the tart in (wearing)

5. Kuwait

6. Ringing = Wringing wet

7. Comic book character but not sure why the ref to twins?

8. Taiwan = tie one

cometman Wrote:

---

> Hibs - let me try
>
> 1. Comfy = "where ye come fae (from)?"
>
> 2. Just "one" (juan)
>
> 3. In his cell - on his own or with his self
>
> 4. Tartan - as in what's the tart in (wearing)
>
> 5. Kuwait
>
> 6. Ringing = Wringing wet
>
> 7. Comic book character but not sure why the ref
> to twins?
>
> 8. Taiwan = tie one

full marks Cometman, you must be drunk...:)o lol

I get them but they are not funny

2 Glasgow men walking past the window of a bakery.

One says "is that a doughnut or a meringue"
The other says ",naw, ye were right the first time"

A wee Scotsman walks into a Pub frequented by English Soldiers, he stands in the middle of the floor and shouts" You Sassenachs are all poofs, I will batter any four of you at once" the Sargeant Major points to four Soldiers and tells them to take him outside and give him a hiding, 5 minutes later the wee Scotsman comes back in on his own a bit bedraggled and shouts" I told you Sassenachs are all poofs I will batter any Ten of You, Sargeant points out Ten Soldiers and tells them to kick his head in, 10 minutes later, Jock is back a bit more bedraggled and shouts " I told You you are all poofs, send out any 20, Sargeant Major is running out of Soldiers but manages to muster 20 more, He tells them he has had enough of the loudmouth Jock and tells them they better go out and give him the hiding of his life. Twenty minutes later a Soldier crawls back into the Pub, he says, Sargeant Major it's an ambush, there's two of the bastards

7. Comic book character but not sure why the ref
> to twins?

Oor Wullie - the Siamese twins are sharing one willie.