Scottish Comedians - Brilliant

A Scottish soldier in full dress marches into a pharmacy to speak to the chemist.

The Scot opens his sporran and pulls out a neatly folded cotton bandanna, unfolds it to reveal a smaller silk square, which he also unfolds to reveal a condom.

The condom has a number of patches on it.

The chemist holds it up, and eyes it critically.

"How much to repair it?" the Scot asks the pharmacist.

"Six pence," says the pharmacist.

"How much for a new one?"

"Ten pence," says the pharmacist.

The Scot folds the condom into the silk square and the cotton bandanna, places it in his sporran and marches out the door of the pharmacy, kilt swinging.

A moment or two later the pharmacist hears a great shout go up, followed by an even greater shout.

The Scot walks back into the pharmacy, and again speaks to the pharmacist.

"The regiment has taken a vote," says the Scot. "We'll have a new one."

chicken 'n chips Wrote:

---

> A Scotsman won the lottery yet had a very long
> face.
> When asked why, he replied, "Aye, it grieves me
> to think
> of the pound I wasted on the second ticket."


LMAO.....

Then there was the Scotsman that was so badly in need of some
money that he took some out of his bank!

The jet plane left Heathrow airport, and was barely into it's
flight when it suddenly started to rattle. The quick thinking
pilot immediately set a course northward. As soon as he crossed
the border into Scotland, everything tightened up!

chicken 'n chips Wrote:

---

> The jet plane left Heathrow airport, and was
> barely into it's
> flight when it suddenly started to rattle. The
> quick thinking
> pilot immediately set a course northward. As soon
> as he crossed
> the border into Scotland, everything tightened up!


Haha

An Englishman was being tried on a charge of being drunk and disorderly. The judge asked him where he had purchased the whisky. "But I didn't buy it, your Honour," said the Englishman. "A Scotsman gave it to me." "28 days for perjury," replied the judge.

A visitor to Glasgow was getting exasperated by day after day of grey cloud and drizzling rain. After two weeks of this he asked a youngster who was passing "Does the weather here ever change?" to which the youngster replied "I don't know. I'm only nine years old."