A comparison of Rugby and Football players.;)

RULES OF SOCCER:

The rules of soccer are very simple, basically it is this: if it moves, kick it. If it doesn't move, kick it until it does."


— Any player being filmed leaving a team bus must ensure that he is wearing headphones and carrying a small Louis Vuitton wash bag.

— Players who once represented the same club must stop and chat animatedly to each other in the tunnel as they wait to come out, even if they never really spoke to each other when they played together.

— On the day of a cup final, players must walk on to the pitch in their club suit approximately 1½ hours before kick-off and touch the turf to make sure it is just like all the other grass they play on every week. At least one player must pick some and throw it in the air to gauge the wind direction even though it is May, very still, and, therefore, very unlikely to affect anything.

Scoring

— If a player mishits a good chance, he must look down and carefully examine the pitch, maybe even treading back in some turf, so that everyone knows he got a bad bounce. If it is a televised game, he should continually blow mucus out of his nose as the camera tracks him back to his own half.

— When a player makes a great assist only to see a teammate tap the ball in, he must stand well away from the celebrating players and wait for them to come over and individually congratulate him.

Corners and throw-ins

— All throw-ins must be taken at least ten yards farther up the pitch than where the ball went out. The referee is allowed to tell the player off, but only when he has exceeded ten yards.

— All corner takers must push the corner flag to one side, regardless of whether it gets in the way. They must also raise a hand before taking the kick, irrelevant of where they intend to send the ball.

Free kicks

— Two or more players should always dispute who will take a free kick, even though they have spent an entire week on the training ground working out who will take them.

— When a player has conceded a free kick, he must pick up the ball and run several yards before dropping it behind him without looking. When a free kick is awarded and the referee places the ball in the required spot, it is essential to pick it up and place it down again at least six inches further forward, ideally with a backspin motion.

Offside

— When a player is judged offside and still shoots but doesn’t score, he must pretend he knew it was offside all along and didn’t really try to score at all. On the other hand, if he does score, he must act “outraged” and “robbed”.

— Any striker who is more than five yards offside must still either wag a finger or launch a tirade of expletives at the flag-bearing official.

Substitutions and injuries

— A player leaving the pitch on a stretcher must always be applauded, while players with equally serious injuries who are helped off by the physio must be booed.

— When water bottles are thrown on to the pitch while a teammate is receiving treatment, players must always squirt some out on to the grass before taking a sip.

— Players warming up along the touchline must always put their hands behind their backs and kick their heels up to touch them, even though they never do this in training or at any other time.

Goalkeepers

— Before kick-off, goalkeepers should always hang from the crossbar to check it does not have any cracks in it.

— Keepers must use the special adhesive power of saliva by spitting into their gloves as much as possible during games. They should also kick the soles of their boots against the post at least three times in each half.

— Goalkeepers should sprint into the opposition penalty box for injury-time corners, even if they have never connected with a header in their life.

Managers

— Any manager facing lower-league opposition in a cup game must describe the team he is facing as “well organised”.

— Assistant managers must be equipped with a blank piece of paper on which they can pretend to show substitutes the opposition’s tactical formation. In addition, assistants should shout and gesticulate in exactly the same way as the manager, only two seconds later.

Officials

— The referee must only blow for full time when the ball is in mid-air after a long goal kick.

— The fourth official must always check a substitute’s studs before he comes on, even though none of the studs of the players on the pitch were checked. It should be noted that no substitute in the history of football has ever been caught wearing “inappropriate studs” and no substitute has ever been refused access to the field of play because of a “stud check”.

— Fourth officials should always be of a smiling disposition when trying to calm infuriated managers back into the dugout.

CM, had a good chuckle at a couple of these, thanks

CM
you forgot something

Officials

— The referee must only blow for full time when the ball is in mid-air after a long goal kick.

when Man United are winning off course

chicken 'n chips Wrote:

---

> CM
> you forgot something
>
> Officials
>
> — The referee must only blow for full time when
> the ball is in mid-air after a long goal kick.
>
> when Man United are winning off course


Or when there's 4min injury time - allow 8 minutes until ManU score the winner ..............there's a specific ref's name that obviously needs to be added here

Specially for Pirates

More than one ref peekay. The group is growing, which is scary

I find it unbelievable that you guys keep on insulting Howard, our best player...<

gregbucks Wrote:

---

> I find it unbelievable that you guys keep on
> insulting Howard, our best player...<


we will see him on Sunday again turning out for you

gregbucks Wrote:

---

> I find it unbelievable that you guys keep on
> insulting Howard, our best player...<


Someone told me he's Fergie's boyfriend. Not sure if they were just pulling my leg

Craig Eudey Wrote:

---

> Our one eyed Pirate strikes again! I wonder if he
> uses one eye for racing and the other for other
> sports etc? Just to keep things balanced?


Craig, your loyalty to Rugby over Soccer is understandable, the problem with rugby is the permanent damage it does to players. The Chris Burger/ Jacko Jackson fund where people donate money to aide such people is tragic.The RFU INJURED RUGBY PLAYERS FOUNDATION IN THE UK has 130 supportive players and they were only formed in 2008. How many schoolboys last year had neck-breaks from collapsed scrums? Unfortunately the tackles are getting higher and higher and more and more careers are sadly ending Quicker.

Craig Eudey Wrote:

---

> Our one eyed Pirate strikes again! I wonder if he
> uses one eye for racing and the other for other
> sports etc? Just to keep things balanced?


actually iv got a 3rd eye which is always pointed towards yr chavers at the circus..its a lovely colour BROWN..:Dt

Devon Air, I was a far far better football player than I ever was at rugby. I used to go from Eston(my home village) to watch in Durban in the old days and watch Durban City, Addington, Durban United, Highlands Park etc with my late Dad. Hardly missed a game there. I am just so disgusted with the actions of many of the present players that I hardly watch now. It is a great game but spoilt by too many over paid prima donna's at the moment.