RecipeThread

Thanks Scotia&Easy-bout-the-Ziplock-Bags-Wil-try-em

i make an awesome bowl of two minute soup. Anything more than that seems like to much work.

As a side u can no longer buy ziplock bags. they have been re-branded.

@Mav

BRINING AT WORK POULTRY Lean turkey and chicken are prime candidates for brining. The dark meat in birds tastes best when cooked to an internal temperature of 175 degrees—the point at which the fat and connective tissue have melted and the meat becomes tender. However, lean white breast meat will be incredibly dry when cooked to this temperature. Brining, in effect, adds moisture to the breast meat so it won’t be so dry, even if it’s overcooked.

Boneless, Skinless Chicken Breasts (up to 6 breasts) Cold Water: 1½ quarts Table Salt*: 3 tablespoons Time**: ½ to 1 hour

** Do not brine longer than recommended or foods will become overly salty.

That sounds interesting Pir ... have scribbled it down and stuck it on my fridge door for later use. Sjoe Umlilo! You really do like it hot!

Some good advice...

I enjoy cooking and although I don't always prepare gourmet dishes, I definitely enjoy the challenge of turning a standard fare into something special. My father was the chef in the family and Brother Kirt probably inherited most of Dad's cooking talents. I'm not as talented as Brother Kirt, but, for the most part, I cook relatively well.

A lot of my culinary skills were actually acquired during my early bachelor days when I learned that it was a useful talent in relationships. For some reason, women seem to enjoy having a special dinner prepared just for them. Of course, I also learned that cooking was a useful tool in survival and after many failed experiments, I began to get the hang of cooking a decent meal for myself.
It dawned on me yesterday that almost every time that I cook, there's always a part of my body that suffers a casualty. Mom and Dad taught me the basics in cooking. Beginning with the old adage, "don't touch that, it's hot." Naturally, the first lesson one learns in cooking is that they were right! That age old adage, passed down from generation to generation, is always learned the hard way. But there are certain lessons one must learn on one's own....

My first lesson in cooking as a bachelor was, "Never fry bacon naked." This is a phrase that should be written, framed and hung in every kitchen right beside the "home, sweet home" sign. Another "Law of Cooking" lesson is to remember that after your hands become coated with flour or oil, your nose will begin to itch and you'll have to pee.

Perhaps one of the most dangerous parts of cooking is preparing and cutting the vegetables for a salad. Inevitably, no matter how much I try to be careful, I end up cutting or piercing myself while slicing and dicing. I've found that the best way to slice vegetables is to get someone else to hold the vegetables while you slice them. The drawback to this is that unless you have a lot of friends, you'll soon run out of people to hold the vegetables.

As the cooking process nears completion and dinner is almost ready to be served, I find that it is in this time frame where most of my injuries occur. Since I am prone to multi-tasking (even when there's only one task), certain things occasionally happen that can really hurt.
Anyone who has ever cooked, especially sautéing, knows that there's always that one part of the meat or fish that just doesn't want to stay or fit in the frying pan. When I am hurried, I have the tendency to push that part into the pan with my finger. Ninety percent of the time, I do this successfully and ten percent results in a burned fingertip. That ten percent time frame always seems to coincide with the fact that I'm cooking for a lady.

Fortunately, I usually have a bottle of wine chilling on ice and my remedy for the burned finger is to take as long as possible to remove the wine from the ice and pour it. All things considered, the minor injuries are usually worth the effort and things normally work out well......unless I fried the bacon!

THE BEST MEAT MARINADE:

Makes 2 cups

1/3 cup vegetable oil (not olive oil)
10 grams commercial-grade (or 5 grams high-grade) cannabis, finely ground
3 tablespoons chopped onion
Juice of 1 small lime
2 tablespoons apple cider vinegar
2 tablespoons Worcestershire sauce
1 tablespoon soy sauce
3/4 cup tomato paste
1 tablespoon minced garlic
2 tablespoons dark brown sugar
1/2 tablespoon chili powder
Pinch of cayenne pepper
1 tablespoon honey
1/8 teaspoon ground ginger
1/2 cup apricot nectar or pineapple or mango juice

In a pot, combine oil, cannabis, onion, lime juice, and 1 tablespoon of water and cook at no more than 200°F for at least 90 minutes -- the "keep warm" setting will probably do the trick. Add apple cider vinegar, Worcestershire sauce, soy sauce, tomato paste, garlic, dark brown sugar, chili powder, cayenne pepper, honey, ginger, apricot nectar, and 1/4 cup water. Mix well, and simmer very gently on the medium setting for an additional 35 to 45 minutes while stirring occasionally.

Note: Getting a good, solid stone takes no more than 3 to 4 tablespoons per person. Use it for basting, dipping, or as a condiment on burgers and other sandwiches. Refrigerate and it will keep for up to 1 week.

Of course you can leave out the cannabis if you like

COOKING WHEN DRUNK

It's three in the morning. You've been in the pub since lunchtime. You just spent five minutes trying to unlock your front door before you realized you were using your car keys. You finally stumble in, reeking of Auld Tay Bridge Scotch. You know you should drink some water, then go straight to bed. But you're hungry.

Time to hit the kitchen!

Preparations

Rolling Pin

Tip: Silicone rolling pins are more hygienic, easier to clean and longer lasting than wooden ones. They also hurt a lot less.

Hygiene

Remember: with cooking, the most important thing is hygiene. So before you begin, stumble into the bathroom. Then pick up a bar of soap and stare at it for about thirty seconds while rocking backwards and forwards. Try to remember why the f*** you are in your bathroom holding a bar of soap. Leave bathroom.

Enter the Kitchen

You now need to find the kitchen. Think hard, you must have left it around here somewhere. Stumble in its general direction, placing your hand against the wall. This will help support you and maybe if you're lucky you'll find a light switch as well. Light could help at this point. If things are rotating, try rotating in the opposite direction to make them stay still. After entering the kitchen, turn on the light and stare blankly. After a minute or two, realize that this is not the kitchen, unless you recently put a bed in the middle of your kitchen. A bed which seems to be occupied. By a woman. If you can call that a woman. Man, whoever dragged that skank home at closing time is going to be seriously traumatized when he rolls over and sees her tomorrow morning.

Keep stumbling from room to room until you find the kitchen.

Care in the Kitchen

If you are single, you can skip this. If you are married, you need to remember that loud noises in the kitchen could wake your spouse, and you're in no condition to try to win an argument with anyone sober. So it's important to move with exaggerated caution whilst inadvertently making loud noises anyway, in order to preserve the precarious delusion that you're being considerate.

Now you're ready to begin.

Recipes

Soy cheese on Burnt Toast

Get some bread. Uh-oh, someone bought unsliced bread. Try to find bread knife. Fail. Find electric carving knife. Wrap knife in tea towel to muffle it. Cut two rough slices of bread, approx 2mm thick at one end, four centimeters at the other, and half a tea towel. Put bread in toaster. Try harder. Shit. Well maybe if you put the thin end in first. Yeah, that did it.
While the bread is toasting, get some cheese from the fridge. F***. None there. Never mind, there's that soy cheese that your spouse's irritating vegan cousin brought along to the picnic that time, but no one ate it. Find cheese knife. Well, just use the foil-cutter on your bottle-opener. Slice soy cheese. Is soy cheese the same as tofu? I mean what can the difference be? Does it even melt? Never mind - you smell burning, so the toast must be done.
Place unevenly burnt toast on griller then place soy cheese on top. Melt soy cheese, assuming soy cheese actually melts. Burn fingers and drop grill on floor, waking your spouse. Suffer consequences. (Thank goodness for silicone rolling pin)
Don't worry if you are eating it and your mouth is burning. That's normal.

Shrimp Tetrazzini

Holy crap. What are you doing? Tetrazzini? Of any sort? No. Stop. You will die. You will burn the house down and everyone that previously had respect for you will no longer associate with you because you not only burnt your house down trying to cook a meal, but it was one that sounded as funny as Tetrazzini. Assuming you're still alive after having a fireball explode in your face, that is. Eat your girlfriend's yogurt instead. Trust me: it's way tastier than you realize.

Huge Sandwich

Open fridge, and lean on door while contemplating contents. Continue for up to ten minutes. Decide that you'd like a huge sandwich like Scooby-Doo or Dagwood Bumstead always has. Look for baguette, fail to find one. Use frozen garlic loaf instead. Cut length ways. Look in horror as bits of frozen garlic bread go everywhere. Painstakingly reassemble bits using toothpicks. Now we're in business!
Assemble filling - some lettuce leaves, some pastrami, some hot sauce, some pickles, some tomato slices... uh oh. Is that red stuff on the chopping board tomato juice, or did you cut yourself? You don't feel any pain, but you're pretty well anesthetized... never mind, if you get some blood on your sandwich it's just extra protein, isn't it? Or vitamin D or whatever blood is made of. Where were you? Oh, yeah, cold chicken, mayo, bok choy, hummus... wow, everything looks kind of funny... mango salsa, salami... like kind of monochrome, you know, all black and white and your ears are ringing. You now realise that is blood in your sandwich, you appear to have cut off the end of your thumb in the sandwich making process. It's in there somewhere and will add to the meat content, not to fear. Pass out standing up and leaning against the cupboard. This will add a special ingredient to your super sarmy. Drool. Come round in about 5 minutes. Don't bother trying to cut more bread. Instead, just place you head and mouth in general direction of said contents of sarmy and proceed to "munch".

Cheap instant cake (drunk chef's impression)

Preheat oven to whatever seems appropriate. Get packet of cake mix. Try to focus on instructions on packet of cake mix. Hold a hand over one eye, so you stop seeing double. Ah! There you go. Gather ingredients. Realize that you don't have butter, decide that mashed potatoes has similar consistency. Realize that you have no milk, use beer. Realize you have no eggs, improvise egg substitute from wheat-bix soaked in milk. Shit. Looks like you did have milk, after all. Too late now. Attempt to grease a 30cm (12 in.) cake tin. Remember that you have no butter. Grease tin with garlic flavored stir-fry spray. Mix ingredients in what you hope is a bowl, then pour batter into tin. Cook until bored. Eat immediately, regret soon after, while on the toilet at 5am.

Two Types of Leftovers

Right, you've learned from your mistakes. No more complicated meals. Just have that leftover pizza. Or maybe that Chinese takeaway. The pizza looks kind of inviting... but it's just plain cheese, and you want something spicier... hey, wait a minute, why not, like, put the chow mien on top of the pizza, and put it in the microwave?
Mmm... not bad, but it needs a little something... got it! Potato salad! But wait, the potato salad is cold. You could put it on top of the pizza-mien and microwave it, but then the chow mein will be too hot and the pizza base will go soggy. You'd better fry the potato salad separately. Crap, where's the fry pan? Oh, well, you can always use that pressure cooker you got as a wedding present and never used.
Place potato salad in pressure cooker and place on high heat. Get bored, and finally forget about the potatoes. Finish chow mein pizza, which is now cold. Go to bed. Awake early next morning to sounds of spousal screaming coming from kitchen. Hide under pillows. Await inevitable.

Cheese and Mushroom Omelet

Break three eggs into mixing bowl, miraculously not getting any eggshell in the mix. Add a dash of milk, pepper and herbs to taste. Do not add salt to uncooked eggs, as this can make them tough. Beat eggs until light and fluffy. Slice 4-5 medium mushrooms. Heat a tablespoon of butter or margarine in a frying pan or skillet, then fry mushrooms until brown. Remove mushrooms from butter.
Turn down heat and add egg mixture, occasionally lifting edges with a spatula. When nearly cooked through, place mushrooms and cheese on top. Put under a hot grill, until cheese has melted. When cooked, fold over and turn onto a plate. Marvel at how well the omelette has turned out, even though you're hammered. Take omelet to TV room and sit down in favourite chair. Remember that you left your drink in the kitchen. Balance plate on armrest of chair while you get your drink. Return with drink, and sit down, overturning the omelette into the chair. Contemplate hot cheese congealing on your best trousers / couch / carpet. Sob uncontrollably.

Cleaning Up

This is a tricky one, you need to conceal the evidence while working on excuses for those things that you broke or fouled which you can't fix or hide in your current state. The best thing is to do nothing, because anything you do at this stage will make it worse tomorrow. Above all don't try washing anything, it’s almost guaranteed that it will get broken in the process. Popular excuses include blaming broken things on drunk mates, or various pets and animals.

Just make a note to buy flowers on your way home from work tomorrow hope that your spouse... HOLY SHIT! WORK! You're due at the office in three hours! BWAAAAAAAAAAAH!

anyone know a good pancake recipe?.....tried making some last night and failed dismally

Ingredients to serve 6 - lamd kleftiko (tu)

6 lamb shanks
3 carrots
3 large potatoes
1 large onion
3 medium tomatoes
6 garlic cloves
1 lemon
150 ml olive oil
½ teaspoon oregano
½ teaspoon thyme
sprig of rosemary
salt and pepper
12 sheets of greaseproof paper - about 30cm square
some string
1. Cut carrots and potatoes into thick slices and mix in a bowl.
2. Lay two sheets of greaseproof paper on top of each other.
3. Fold the paper one way then the other to form a cross in the middle
4. Place a layer of potato and carrot in the centre of the paper.
5. Stand a lamb shank on top of the vegetables.
6. Nick each shank with a knife and insert a garlic clove.
7. Slice onions and tomatoes into 12 and stack two slices around the lamb.
8. Add oregano, thyme, rosemary, salt, pepper and squeezed lemon juice to the olive oil.
9. Fold the corners of the paper upwards into a pouch and spoon on some olive oil juice.
10. Tie the paper with string and place in an open oven dish.Repeat for each parcel.
11. Leave in the middle of the oven at 160°C for at least two hours.
12. Turn off the oven and let the parcel 'rest' for about 20 minutes.

Place each parcel on a warm plate and just open it to serve. Add some lightly cooked spring greens drizzled with a little olive oil or some salad and rice

Bwahaha....ColinS.... Try to remember why the f*** you are in your bathroom holding a bar of soap....good one.....:D

@dashing:

pancake recipe
(Errol Legassick's grandmother gave this to my late wife; they were neighbours in Stanger- KwaDuguza)

1 Cup milk
3 large eggs
1 cup self raising flour (or cake flour and 2 teaspoons of baking powder)
1 table spoon oil (now use Olive or Canola)
1 teaspoon vanilla essence
1/2 teaspoon ground cinnamon
1/2 teaspoon ground nutmeg
1 tablespoon brown sugar
pinch of salt


Preparation:
1.Mix all the ingredients and add milk and whisk until the batter runs off a spoon slowly....not waterish! If too thick, add more milk.

2. Use a non-stick fry pan and heat to medium high

3. Drop in about a teaspoon of oil

4. As soon as the oil gets hot, pour a scoopful of the batter (about 1 1/2 tablespoonful)

5. Hold the pan up and spread the batter inside it evenly

6. Shake the pan briskly so that the batter does not 'catch'

7. Once the 'holes' appear on top and the batter becomes firm, flip the pancake

8. There is a knack to stirring the pancake so that it does not burn but cooks (no need for a timer!)
You also will get used to the exact heat required as you go along!

Once done, cover with Golden Syrup or honey, and top up with fresh cream. In our days, fresh cream was fresh cream!

Variation:
1. The cinnamon and nutmeg (even ground almonds) can be added after cooking, with sugar sprinkled on it
2. Try different essences instead of vanilla

BTW:

Haven't made pancakes for ages; from memory. Have passed the recipe onto my daughters who turn out delicious bites!

"Honey," said this husband to his wife, "I invited a friend home for supper."

"What? Are you crazy? The house is a mess, I haven't been shopping, all the dishes are dirty and I don't feel like cooking a fancy meal!"

"I know all that."

"Then why did you invite a friend for supper?"

"Because the poor fool's thinking about getting married."